19 Women Share Stories About the Times When Men Intimidated Them and Probably Weren’t Aware of It
There are times when men do creepy things that make women feel uncomfortable. Sometimes, the men may be clueless enough that they mean well and really don’t know how creepy or intimidating they are being.
One Reddit user asked women to share times when they felt scared because of something a man said or did but when they also knew that the man probably didn’t realize he was making them feel scared. The answers poured in.
If you are a woman, you probably have at least one story like this. If you’re a man, take these stories to heart. Some of the things you’re doing might be making women feel uncomfortable.
Moving Too Fast
Reddit user clarkthecatismyguy answered:
Getting really intense about our relationship/ friendship really early on. A lot of guys turn women into this kind of fantasy thing that’s supposed to make them whole/ help them change or whatever. Sir I am the main character in my own life, not just a supporting one in yours. When you put that pressure on me right away abs without reciprocation, I know that I don’t actually matter, you’ve been taught that women serve you
“They Can See You”
Messages you on a dating app commenting on having found your profile and that they are in the same location as you, they can see you but you can’t see them. I had a guy do this on a fully packed train I was on to go to work. I’m not an anxious person but it felt really uncomfortable.
Do You Need a Ride?
I used to walk home from school when this old man literally parked his car in front of me while I was crossing a small parking lot and asked if I needed a ride. I lied and said the house at the end of the block was my house. He did it a bunch more times until I had to change my walking route. It was a longer way but I felt safe again.
What’s Your Number?
Following you to your car to get your number.Don’t. Ever. Do. That.
Let Me Through!
Standing in doorways/blocking exits
Is That a Threat?
While talking online and I say “I don’t know about meeting up” and their response is “You are more likely to be raped by someone you actually know in person”Yup… Not meeting up now.
“Huge Red Flag”
I’m a lesbian, if a guy friend asks me out without knowing I only like girls, I won’t care and just explain that I’m gay. If they ask me out a second time then I don’t really want to talk to them anymore. Just a huge red flag in a friendship for me.
Approached by Random Men
I’ve been approached several times in public by random men who say they want to be friends with me. One leaned in really close to have a conversation and asked me where I was from and where I live. Another grabbed my hands and remarked on how soft my skin is. Another one literally locked arms with me and dragged me to a coffee shop to “get to know me” and then later told me to come with him to a more private place for a view of the city. I weakly joke about it sometimes but in the moment it really does make me nervous. I don’t know if I just look really unimposing (I’m an Asian woman but I’m taller than average?) but I’m not sure why it happens. Regardless, please don’t just grab random women, even out of friendliness, and respect personal space.
Do You Live Alone?
There was this guy at my work who kept asking me strange questions. One time, he asked me “what do you crave?” I assumed he meant food, but eventually figured out from his face that he meant sexual cravings. Grossed me the heck out.But the creepiest moment was when we were alone, he asked me what kind of car I drove and if I lived alone. I hesitated about my car, and when I told him I was living with my parents, he looked offended and asked me when I planned to move out. The entire time, he sounded like he was holding back a torrent of frustration while saying it. He always sounded calm when he spoke but it was like a switch flipped. When I told him I had no plans, he just looked even more disgusting and left the conversation as soon as he could. He barely spoke to me after that and then COVID happened. He quit during our furlough and I never saw him again. I’m so glad because I had alarms blaring for days after that interaction.
Certain Questions Set off Alarm Bells
Flirting is fun so long as you don’t “flirt” by asking me where I live, and if I live alone, and (as an expat) if I know people in the area. If you want to chat, flirt, get to know me? Don’t start with the questions that set off alarm bells in my head.
I had a guy come into the store I worked at and leave within ten minutes. Not even 5 minutes after he left, he had searched me up on Instagram and messaged me, as well as all other social media. He didn’t have my last name and literally sat in the parking lot to search me up and message me. And then he came into the store a lot more to learn what shifts I worked and was ALWAYS THERE. That’s not endearing or cool, it’s creepy and makes me not want to go to work anymore.
Blocking my path or physically holding me in place if they are not done talking to me. Basically, using more strength/size to restrict my motion in any way.
Calling them beautiful as much as possible. Once or twice is nice, if you know them, but if you don’t know the guy and he says it too much it freaks me out
Any time someone tries really hard to convince me he’s a “nice guy”. Every guy I’ve met that desperately brings it up every chance he gets isn’t usually very nice. It always makes me wonder what are they trying to hide? Like why do I have to think you’re nice? Prove it with your actions, don’t tell me repeatedly.
Need an Escape Route
Hit on you in locations where you cannot escape (enclosed places like elevators, or work places)
In a Taxi
I had a taxi driver hit on me, question me about my love life and ask for my number. I was literally locked in a moving vehicle with the guy, how are you supposed to feel safe saying no?! Luckily, I think he was just a nice clueless guy so I felt safe enough to negotiate and take his number instead of giving mine out.
Customer Service Rep
God the number of old guys who hit on me when I worked customer service. Being nice does not equal flirting, especially when their whole job is to be nice.
Preventing You From Leaving
“Jokingly” using your strength to move me or keep me from moving. If I want to go home and you’re pulling me back I am not actually going along with it, you are stronger than I am and I literally cannot leave
Driving really aggressively and having road rage. When I was younger and dating I had so many experiences as a passenger with young guys who were otherwise normal but really intense and scary when they got behind the wheel. It always seemed like a red flag.