Experts Agree That Talking Out Loud to a Dead Loved One Can Actually Be Good For You

If you’ve ever had to deal with the horrible experience of losing a loved one, then you know how heartbreaking it can be. Whether it’s a parent, grandparent, sibling, friend, child or someone else, it’s never easy to watch someone you care about pass on.

There are lots of ways people might cope with the passing of a loved one—they might write down all of their favorite memories that had with the person or talk to a therapist about how they’re feeling. There’s really no wrong way to grieve so long as it helps you heal as time moves on.

That said, there’s one way to deal with your loss that many experts will recommend—and that’s talking out loud to a dead loved one.

It might sound silly, and you might wonder why you can’t just write down your feelings in a letter, but there’s something to be said about using your voice to express your feelings, even if it feels a little awkward.

“Speaking out loud to a loved one who has passed — whether at a grave site or out loud at home — is helpful for many people processing grief,” said Dr. Alison Forti, an assistant professor in the Department of Counseling at Wake Forest University.

If you can’t visit the grave site, Dr. Forti says it’s not so much where you are that matters, but that you’re expressing your feelings out loud. “I will sometimes encourage my clients to speak to an empty chair in an effort to help them cope with grief,” she says. “Many people will experience a sense of disbelief after they lose a loved one. By encouraging people to speak out loud to their loved one it helps them resolve that disbelief.”

That’s not to say that writing a letter to a deceased loved one won’t work—that’s also a highly recommended grieving tactic that can help let out thoughts and feelings you might be repressing.

“When a relationship is ripped away from us through death, it takes the heart time to let go,” says licensed counselor Dr. Sherrie Campbell. “We still have things left unsaid, emotions and experiences we want to share, things to get closure on and a place to receive or feel a sense of connection and comfort.”

By talking to the loved one who died, you might feel comforted knowing that you can still express how you’re feeling to them. “I tell my patients, young and old, that although our loved one’s may not be here in physical form, that they are right next door watching over us,” Dr. Campbell says. “We can find a sense of comfort in feeling that they are still close to us, conversations can still be had.”

If you’ve ever struggled trying to sort your feelings out about the death of a loved one, try speaking out loud to them or writing your thoughts in a letter and see if you feel any better.

That said, know that it takes time to heal from a loss like this. “People can actively grieve, move forward in life with their grief, years go by, and the simple smell of a perfume brings them back to an angry or sad moment of grieving,” says Dr. Forti.

What have you done to help yourself move on from death? Have you ever tried speaking out loud to a loved one? Did it work?