Woman Asks If She Is Wrong For Not Wanting To Quit Her Job To Look After Her Baby Full Time Even Though She Can Afford To Do So

aitababyontheway via Reddit

Having a baby changes your life. That’s true for everyone. However, it is true that some people decide to try to keep their life as similar as possible to their pre-kid life, and other people change a lot about their lifestyle after having children. What is right for one person may not work for someone else, but sometimes people make other people feel bad about their parenting decisions. This mom shaming can leave moms questioning the decisions they make and feeling guilty about pretty much every decision.

One common decision a mom has to make is what to do about working and caring for a new baby. Some moms happily rush back to work as soon as possible glad for adult conversation and happy to get a break from changing diapers. Other moms quit their jobs and do whatever it takes to stay home full time with their children.

One pregnant mom shared that she is financially able to quit her job and stay home with her baby, but she is hesitant to do so. She explained that the pregnancy was unplanned, but she and her partner of 5 years have decided to raise the baby together. The problem is that her partner thinks she should quit her job and put her education on pause to stay home with the baby. She isn’t on board with this idea.

This mom to be explained, “I’m in the middle of writing my masters thesis is Bioscience and if I put it down for a couple of years the likelihood is that my contacts would no longer be available for research work. Not to mention that I was planning on starting my PhD straight after I finish as it will be a direct extension of my masters study and I already have conditional funding for my research that I will lose if I put the project on hold.” She added, “My study is really important to me and I feel like by giving up my job I’m losing a bit of my independence so I don’t want to lose this too.”

Her partner thinks she’ll “be neglecting the baby in favor of my research” and tells her that her resistance to quit is due to “baby hormones.”

After “several huge fights” with her partner, she turned to Reddit to ask if she should quit everything to stay home with her baby or not. Reddit users overwhelmingly agree that she is in the right and will definitely not be “neglecting the baby.”

One Reddit user wrote, “Turn it around and ask HIM how does HE feel about neglecting the baby for his career. You can do both. It can be hard, and you’re gonna need a supportive partner. But he needs to understand that you don’t stop being a person just because you become a mother. That’s an ADDED role, not a replacement one.”

Another comment reads, “Tell him if he wants a caregiver at home full time so the baby isn’t ‘neglected,’ he can quit his own job and take care of his baby. I’m worried about the bigger picture though. Coercing and trying to manipulate someone to quit their studies is really wrong. It’s also dangerous–you shouldn’t be home all day with a baby when you don’t want to be and are forced to be; it’s a recipe for serious depression at the very least. If he doesn’t like the idea of the baby in daycare, he can also hire a vetted nanny who would watch the baby at home. Whatever you do, it has to be *both* your decisions. He can’t demand of *you* to sacrifice your own studies, while his own work is unaffected.”

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