Dad Wants to Know If He’s the Jerk for Wanting to Tell Her Daughter’s Boyfriend About Her Dark Secret
One father of a 25-year-old daughter turned to Reddit to ask for advice about his daughter. She shared that he loves her and has a great relationship with her; however, in the dad’s words, “there’s one thing about her that would give many people pause – she is a diagnosed sociopath.”
He went on to share about the struggles she faced during her life. She used to get into trouble a lot. She abused her little sister. She lied and misbehaved at school.
When she was still in elementary school, her dad knew something was wrong and put her in therapy. He shared, “With an enormous amount of therapy & support, her bad behavior was minimized as she grew older. She received an ASPD diagnosis at 18, and I had suspected it for long prior.”
It seems that the therapy helped her function as normally as possible. At 25, she has a job and a boyfriend. Here’s the problem. Her dad thinks her boyfriend might propose soon.
Maybe that sounds like a good thing, but the boyfriend doesn’t know he’s dating a sociopath. Dad thinks the boyfriend needs to know.
“Her boyfriend (who might propose soon)hasno ideaabout her diagnosis, and she’s been very upfront with me that she has no plans to ever tell him, thinking it’ll scare him away. I’ve made it clear to her that she needs to tell him the truth before they marry; that he has the right to know and consider it;or I will; to which she always responds, ‘I know you wouldn’t dare.’ I actually would – I really like and respect this young man, and would feel awful keeping this “secret” from him, and letting him walk into a marriage without this piece of knowledge.”
Even though the dad says he’ll tell the boyfriend if his daughter doesn’t, it seems that he’s still conflicted about what to do. Yet, he thinks he would find out on his own eventually anyway.
“I’m not trying to sabotage my daughter’s future.Maybeher boyfriend’s love of her personality and other aspects is enough that it won’t end the relationship. It’s his decision to make; but he deserves all the facts. Someday he’s bound to find out she’s a bit ‘off’; it can’t be kept a secret forever.”
There’s one more piece to this puzzle. Not only is the daughter a sociopath, but she has also told her dad that she doesn’t feel love for anyone including her family. Dad can only assume that means that she doesn’t love her boyfriend. She also told her dad that she doesn’t feel guilty about anything she has ever done and doesn’t even know what guilt feels like.
So, what do Reddit users think Dad should do? It’s pretty split. Some point out that it’s best to stay out of it. One comment reads, “You’re ethically compromised either way. It’s probably best you stay out of it.”
Another Reddit user wrote, “This is somewhat a real example of the trolly problem. You can let the trolly run into him, or you can interfere and cause the trolly to run into her. Not intefering is the concensus agreement in a 1v1 situation. Especially when you can’t know if the trolly is on track for him, but intefering will definitely turn the trolly towards her.”
Then there are the Reddit users who think Dad should interfere. One person wrote, “I’d say the one thing to worry about is the potential safety of the BF. Sociopaths can go off in fits of rage and potentially kill people. The BF at some point could make her angry enough that she’d kill or seriously injure him in a fit of rage. They are notorious for doing things as compulsions, so he’d be at a MUCH higher risk of being killed by her than any other partner that doesn’t have something like this. I’d say potentially ruining his daughter’s relationship gets trumped by the potential safety of a human life, but that’s just me.”
Another Reddit user added, “As a person who has been stalked for 25 years by a woman with a similar diagnosis, you need to tell him! It is best you protect an innocent person from a horrible experience.”
Yet, other Reddit users think Dad should seek a professional opinion. One comment reads, “This is absolutely the hardest one I have ever read. I think it is above Reddit’s pay grade. OP, you should talk with a psychologist about it.”
Would you want to know if you were in love with a sociopath? Do you think the dad should tell the boyfriend about his daughter’s diagnosis?