After having kids, many moms find that working what used to be their standard 9-5 job just isn’t for them anymore. Whether it’s because of not making enough money to make the costs of daycare make sense or just wanting to be there for every milestone your baby hits, lots of moms decide that they want to be a stay at home mom.

But a stay-at-home wife isn’t something as widely talked about. As a wife who stays home, you’re running the household, but with no kids to take care of. It’s often a controversial “job,” with people wondering if the wife is simply lazy and just doesn’t want to work.

When one 33-year-old wife asked her 42-year-old husband if she could stay at home instead of work in a recent Reddit post, he got a little freaked out. Her reasoning was because he makes about 40% more than she does and that the 9-5 lifestyle just “isn’t for her.”

“That divulged into a pretty heated argument with her saying that I should ‘support her dreams’ (she never stated what she wants to do with her staying at home, even though I did ask),” the man explained in a Reddit post.

And then, it happened. The man, “In the heat of the moment,” he explained, said to his wife: “Where is this coming from, why is it your dream to be a stay-at-home wife? Is it your dream to be lazy?”

Needless to say, the wife got pretty upset and went to go stay at her mother’s house for a bit until the husband was able to “calm down.” However, he still really doesn’t support staying at home just to be a “wife.”

“I’ll be real here, I don’t want her to be a stay at home wife, I’m not okay with being the sole breadwinner, and I do not wish to support this ‘dream,’” the man wrote in a Reddit post. “I want a partner in life, not a dependent doing nothing productive with their days.”

So who’s the jerk here? The comments are in—and most people vote that he is NOT the jerk.

“So she waits until you propose and she thinks she has you wrapped around her finger to tell you her ‘dream’ of being lazy and then has the nerve to say that you’re the manipulative one? Jesus,” someone commented.

“A stay at home wife? What in the world? Does she… clean up after herself? Visit with friends? Ask her if your ‘dream’ was to be a stay at home husband, could you do it? This is CRAZY! And if I was OP, I’d be rethinking getting married any time soon. If she doesn’t understand where he’s coming from, I’m betting she’ll just quit or get herself fired once they’re married,” another person wrote. “If my husband had a dream to go back to college I would support that. If he had a dream to start his own business in an area he was passionate about I would support that. If he had a dream to sit on his arse and play video games—be a ‘stay at home husband’—he would soon be supporting my dream to be divorced. It sounds like you and your fiancée have very different values in life,” another wrote.

What do you think—who is the jerk in this situation?