Mom Asks If She’s the Jerk for Telling Her Daughter That She’s Selfish For Not Coming to Family Christmas

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If you’re married, you probably remember the honeymoon phase when you were newlyweds. New spouses often want to spend as much time together as possible and set up their own new traditions as they enjoy this next phase of life together. 

It’s natural for newlyweds to want to spend quality alone time together. It’s also natural for the parents of newlyweds to feel a little bit of a sense of loss as their children have officially left the nest and moved on, starting their own little families.

One couple came up with what sounds like an enviable way to spend their first holiday season together as a married couple. They have bought a cabin on a remote island in the middle of a lake. They are going to spend the holiday season at this cabin, just the two of them and their dog.

The problem is the bride’s mom isn’t so excited about these plans. She wrote on Reddit, “Her father and I invited them to our house for Christmas Eve dinner, which is a tradition in our family. However, my daughter told me that she and her husband are planning to spend December 14 to January 6 at their cabin, just the 2 of them and their dog.”

Mom wants to know if she’s wrong for thinking her daughter should spend Christmas Eve with her parents. Mom wrote, “This is just her way of making sure they won’t have an excuse to entertain guests. I told her that they can’t just shut themselves out from the world during the holidays.”

Mom also shared that she hasn’t seen her daughter since the spring. We can only assume that this is due to the pandemic, but we don’t know for sure. She wrote, “It’s breaking my heart that my own daughter would be so callous. My husband agreed and lectured her over the phone. Now my daughter isn’t returning our texts.”

The Reddit community weighed in, and it seems that the consensus is that the mom is the one in the wrong. Some people feel that the daughter is right simply because she is an adult who is capable of making her own decisions and deciding to spend the holidays with her new husband is not out-of-line. 

One comment reads, “her daughter is recently married so it’s likely her and her new husband want to spend their first Christmas as a married couple alone in a romantic winter cabin getaway. For OP to call her daughter callous is awful and OP is the one being selfish.”

Another Reddit user wrote, “Her wanting to spend the holidays with her spouse and enjoy a break doesn’t make her callous. Her mom sounds needy and exhausting though.”

Other comments point out that there is still a global pandemic, and that’s reason enough to want to be secluded over the holidays. “Maybe it’s because there’s a global pandemic and not even because OP or other family they’re trying to avoid. Maybe both.”

Another person wrote, “There is a pandemic going on. If you are inviting a crowd of >10 people, that could be a risky gathering. There could be other things as well. Your daughter’s plans seem reasonable during a pandemic. She also now has a family of her own and might be setting her own traditions.”

Do you think the mom is right or the daughter is right? How are you spending the holiday season this year?