This Valentine’s Day You Can Name a Cockroach After Your Ex
So what can you do this February 14th? Throw eggs at your ex’s house? Slash their tires? Poke a voodoo doll? While all of those may be tempting, you probably don’t want to do something too extreme (or something that could potentially get you arrested!). Luckily, we have an idea that feels just right.
Are you ready? We think you should name a cockroach after your ex!
Okay, okay…hear us out. The Florida Aquarium is allowing people to name one of the aquarium’s hissing cockroaches after their ex—“or someone else who’s done you wrong,” as they put it on their Instagram page. All you have to do is donate just $10!
Not only do you get the pure pleasure of doing something so sneaky and validating, you’ll also receive a commemorative certificate with a photo of the cockroach. Isn’t that something?
On top of just naming the cockroach, you can even send along some anecdotes or confessions about your situation on the donation form that will be posted anonymously on the aquarium’s social media pages.
“While we don’t ‘Hiss and Tell’, you certainly can!” they wrote. “Need to clear the air? Along with your donation, send along a message with words you wish you had said or your funny revenge confession! Amusing, family-friendly confessions will be posted with anonymity on The Florida Aquarium’s social media. Don’t worry –we’ll never “Hiss & Tell” who sent them!”
For reference, hissing cockroaches are the world’s largest cockroaches. “And, remember, size matters!” the aquarium wrote. “At nearly four inches long, Madagascar hissing cockroaches are the world’s largest cockroach species. They emit a hissing noise as a defense mechanism.”
So forget all the heart-shaped chocolates you won’t eat, forget the flowers you may not get, and definitely forget crying at your favorite sad rom com on the couch! Instead, get some “revenge” and do your ex dirty by naming a huge living insect after them—because that’s really what they are! The best part is: They’ll never know!
Do you or someone you know have someone you can name a cockroach after? What other ways can someone who recently became single commemorate Valentine’s Day this year?