My Husband Divorced Me After Helping Our Niece Give Her Newborn Up For Adoption. Was I Wrong To Do So?
When a teenager finds out she’s pregnant, she has several options. She might consider keeping the baby, and even though it might be difficult at times, she could raise the baby herself. She might consider abortion. She might consider adoption.
One anonymous writer shared a story of teenage pregnancy and adoption in a letter to Dear Abby. The story was not of her own personal experience with pregnancy but that of her husband’s niece. Unfortunately, the drama that ensued impacted her life arguably more than it impacted the life of the young lady who was pregnant.
This writer, who signed the letter Confidant in Colorado, started her letter by explaining a little backstory about her husband’s family. She wrote, “I was married to a man whose family always seemed to be in each other’s business.”
Then, Confidant explained the circumstances that led to her divorce. She explained that her husband’s “18-year-old niece already had two children when she became pregnant again.”
Instead of being excited about the pregnancy and sharing it with her family, she did something different. She didn’t tell anyone except Confidant. Confidant wrote, “She hid it from everyone. When she was eight months gone, she came to me and told me she wanted to adopt the baby out to a family who couldn’t have children, because she couldn’t handle raising another child.”
Confidant continued, “She begged me not to tell anyone except my husband (her uncle) and asked me to watch her two children overnight while she was at the hospital delivering. She also asked to meet the potential adoptive parents at my home and said she planned to have an open adoption without ever telling her parents.”
While Confidant told her to talk to her mother, the niece refused and said “she was desperate for help.” In the end, Confidant agreed with the niece’s scheme, and it came back to bite her.
The niece waited until her newborn baby was two months old before ever telling her family about the pregnancy and adoption. She also told them that Confidant helped her. Confidant shared, “They became very upset with me. They said I should have told them she was pregnant and that it was my fault they ‘lost’ the child. This ultimately led to my husband divorcing me.”
Confidant shared that the niece is still happy with her decision, but Confidant can’t help but wonder if she was wrong to help the niece.
Dear Abby responded to Confidant’s question by reassuring her that she was “NOT wrong to help her.” Abby explained that the fact that the niece betrayed Confidant by telling her family about the pregnancy and adoption after begging Confidant not to tell them only proved that “she wasn’t mature enough to handle the responsibilities of parenting yet another child.” Abby added, “You were not responsible for her baby being adopted — she was.”
Abby also explained why the family was so mad at Confidant. She wrote, “Her parents have transferred their anger and disappointment in her to you. That it resulted in the failure of your marriage is a shame.” However, Abby also felt that it wasn’t all bad that the marriage ended in divorce. She explained, “Perhaps you should thank your lucky stars that this dysfunctional family is in the rear-view mirror.”