Husband Wants To Know If He’s Wrong For Refusing To Get A Tattoo Of His Stepson’s Name After Getting One For His Daughter’s
One dad shared that he has a tradition of get the names of his children tattooed on his arm. He has three biological children and one step-son. He has the names of all of his biological children tattooed on his arm, but he does not plan to get his 8-year-old step-son’s named tattooed on his body. Now, his wife is mad at him.
He talked to his wife about the situation. He explained, “I told her I have no intention of tattooing his name. She was shocked and asked me why. I said I only have the names of my children tattooed. She said I am excluding her son and he is part of this family too.” He added, “Wife called me all sorts of things.”
He turned to Reddit to ask for feedback on his decision not to get his step-son’s named tattooed on his body. The community was pretty conflicted about the correct answer. Here’s what they had to say.
You’ve been a father figure to him for half his life, poor boy will probably be shattered when he realizes you don’t actually see him as yours.
Not the Same
Tatooing a step kid’s name is not the same as tatooing a bio kid’s name.
The Step-Son’s Place
no one else gets to dictate what you put on your body, but you made it incredibly clear to your stepson where he stands on this family- on the outside. And right now he’s eight, and he’s not going to notice, but when he gets older he will and you are going to have to tell him why. You have also sent a clear message to your wife where her child stands in this family. Don’t start getting butt hurt when she makes sure to prioritize your stepson over you older children, you made it clear the dynamics you expected.
Not a Legal Parent
I’m surprise no one is considering the fact that the step child has two parents already. OP is not one of them. OP has no legal rights to the child, cannot dictate how he is parented, has no saying that at all.
You have every right to decide what names to or not to have permanently tattooed on your body. However, your wife can be upset with you over it.
Any Name Is “Tacky”
Generally tattooing names on you is tacky as hell, I’ve yet to see an example that was made well and looks good too.
Your wife is correct that leaving your stepson’s name off creates a division between your children that all of your kids can see every time your arms show. This is only going to lead to drama and hurt feelings.But it’s your body and you don’t have to add your stepson to the family tattoo.
“Don’t Do It”
I have known people that did get their stepchildren tattooed on them. Guess what happened? The marriage didn’t work out, and the actual parents refused any contact for the stepchildren. Not saying this will happen to OP, but for me this is the equivalent of tattooing your SO’s name on you…you just don’t do it!
“Think Long And Hard”
Your body, your rules. With that said, you need to think long and hard about this because you are treating your stepson as “other,” because he isn’t biologically yours.
Why “Your Wife Is Upset”
You choose what to tattoo on your body, not anyone else.I suspect your wife is upset that her son doesn’t have a father in his life and was assuming you’d step into that role and love him as much as your other children…hence the request to tattoo his name on your arm.
NOT A “Replacement Father”
Too many women think a stepfather is a replacement father. Being in that house alone means your contributing to the welfare of the step son. As long as you treat all of the kids fairly (love, discipline, etc) you are doing what you should.That said, you cannot and should not try to wipe away the 8 years olds legacy because he has a father and their family. Being fair doesn’t mean even. You are under no obligation to tattoo the name of your stepson on you body. Should you divorce, you may never see that kid again.