Lilly Jay has opened up about the challenges she faced following the end of her marriage to Ethan Slater. In an essay she wrote for The Cut published on Thursday, Dec. 18, Jay, a clinical psychologist specializing in perinatal mental health and child development, reflected on her ex-husband’s relationship with his Wicked co-star Ariana Grande. While she stopped herself from naming the pop star directly, she candidly discussed the difficulties she encountered in the wake of their split.

Jay also delved deeply into her journey as a mother, sharing insights into her life with her and Slater’s 2-year-old son. Her reflections explore the complexities of navigating parenthood in the context of divorce, offering a reflective perspective on resilience and growth amid personal upheaval.

“In the countless hours I spend rocking my son to sleep, pushing his stroller, marveling at his sweaty little hands grasping a crayon, I work diligently on my private project of accepting the sudden public downfall of my marriage,” Jay said. “This, I tell myself, is nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to hide.”

She continued, “Slowly but surely, I have come to believe that in the absence of the life I planned with my high-school sweetheart, a lifetime of sweetness is waiting for me and my child.”

The Broadway actor’s divorce from Jay was finalized in September, ending a relationship that spanned 12 years. The pair began dating in 2011 and married in November 2018, welcoming their son in August 2022.

The psychologist suggested, “No one gets married thinking they’ll get divorced, in the same way we don’t board a plane expecting to crash. But I really never thought I would get divorced. Especially not just after giving birth to my first child and especially not in the shadow of my husband’s new relationship with a celebrity.”

“In this season of shock and mourning, over a year after the end of my marriage was made public, I deeply miss the life of invisibility I created for myself as a psychologist specializing in women’s mental health.”

“At the Children’s Hospital, my invisibility was welcome protection from hard conversations for me and my patients,” she also said. “And while I still firmly believe in following my patients’ leads and not presuming to know what parts of my personhood resonate with them, the publicity I did not consent to increasingly feels like both a challenge and an opportunity.”

“If I’m discovered — as what, being vulnerable? — perhaps it could be a point of connection rather than a clinical liability,” she added.

Ariana Grande and Ethan Slater’s relationship has come under renewed scrutiny following the release of Wicked and the personal essay by Slater’s ex-wife, Lilly Jay. This attention follows recent reports of Grande’s separation from her husband, Dalton Gomez. Grande and Slater are believed to have met while working together on the two-part film adaptation of the Wicked musical.

Ethan Slater is a multifaceted actor, singer, and writer, best known for his standout performance as SpongeBob SquarePants in SpongeBob SquarePants: The Broadway Musical (2017). His portrayal earned critical acclaim, securing him a Tony Award nomination for Best Actor in a Musical, along with Drama Desk, Outer Critics Circle, and Theatre World Awards. Beyond Broadway, Slater has showcased his versatility in other theatrical productions, including his role as Lee Harvey Oswald/The Balladeer in Assassins (Off-Broadway, 2021). In addition to his stage work, he has appeared in films and television series, such as Law & Order: SVU, and most recently played Boq in the upcoming Wicked films alongside Ariana Grande.