There’s a popular thread on Reddit called “Am I the A**hole?” (aka AITA) where people share their stories that are unclear who is the jerk in a particular situation. There are some pretty funny topics that come up, and we’ve just discovered one of the best ones yet.

The post is titled  “AITA for asking my gf not to eat so much?” The man preferences the post saying that the title main sound bad off the bat, but to hear him out. He continues to share how his girlfriend, “Ashley,” is a heavier person in general, but is also an advocate for body positivity, so it’s a sensitive subject for her.

Well, the man explains one time when they went to his grandmother’s house for dinner. He explains that his grandmother is “both very proud and very broke,” meaning she enjoys having her family over for dinner, even though she can’t really afford it. Nevertheless, she gets offended if they turn down the invite, so they all go. But they have one small rule as a family that they abide by.

“We all take a single small portion, as the leftovers are what my grandmother has to eat for the week,” the man explained, also stating that “Ashley liked the food so much she went back for second and third large portions.”

“This is not done is my family,” he went on to explain. “So Ashley taking more meant my grandmother didn’t eat for the next couple days.”

After dinner, the man explained this to his girlfriend, who was shocked. However, before the next time they visited his grandma, Ashley went from shock to offended that he’d ask her not to take seconds. He even told her that they could go eat again after the meal if she was still hungry. But she didn’t take that very well.

“Ashley got very angry at this and said, ‘she will NOT be shamed for her eating, she will NOT limit her food and that NO ONE other than her decides when she’s had ‘enough’ food,’” he explained. “She also said I was fat-shaming her.”

He’s now asking for opinions on who the jerk is in this situation. And even though the title sounded bad initially, most people agree he isn’t the bad person.

“She could eat before or after. You are not shaming her. She just doesn’t care about grandma. That’s not a great quality,” someone wrote.

“If she doesn’t care about an older lady who is being very kind and generous (warning there!), then she should at least care that this is an important person to OP (additional warning!). Two very bad signs,” someone else agreed.

“She’s projecting her experiences with fat shaming onto this conversation when that’s not really what it’s about. Eating out after if she’s still hungry seems like a reasonable compromise,” another acknowledged.

So what do you think—who is the jerk in this situation, and what would you do in this man’s situation?